CHILD MARRIAGE: A MUSLIMAH’S PERSPECTIVE
BY MSRINSOLA - PUBLISHED: 07/18/2013 - SECTION: FAITH, SISTERS, WOMEN IN ISLAM
If there’s one thing that I most admire about Islam, it’s the way and
manner in which it elevated a society from the depths of savagery and
made them the ‘best of mankind’. I happen to be of the opinion that when
we do disagree in matters relating to Religion, instead of resorting to
personal attacks we should try to refute the ‘offensive’ argument with
evidence from the Quran and Sunnah. This piece, insh’Allah, will dwell
on the reasons (fully supported by valid evidences) why I happen to
believe that child-marriage is neither adviseable nor Islamically
endorsed. And Allah knows best.
I must warn you, though, that this will be quite lengthy (I’m sorry).
Those of us who take time to learn about reproductive health and teach
it to others surely know all about the risks of early sexual exposure.
It is a scientifically proven fact that childbirth below the age of 17
could have serious adverse effects on a woman’s health, effects which
include – but are not limited to – an increased risk of developing
cervical cancer, Vesicovaginal Fistula (VVF) and maternal mortality. It
is also much more common for underaged mums to attempt killing their
babies (many of which have been quite successful at it, and continue to
come up with alarmingly innovative ways to smother their helpless babies
to death). I totally acknowledge the fact that cervical cancer has many
other risk factors, but evidence of its prevalence amongst women who
had too-early sexual exposure and became mothers below 17 can not be
refuted. With respect to VVF, there are an estimated 800,000 cases in
Northern Nigeria, and this would not matter if the practice of taking
child-brides was not prevalent there; unless, of course, someone can
prove without an iota of doubt that these alarming statistics have
nothing to do with this practice.
I totally acknowledge the
fact that betrothal can occur years (or even decades) before
consummation, but if these men were as patient with their brides as some
would have us believe, then why is VVF so common? The aim of this
article is not to vilify the men, because some of them actually treat
their wives right and wait for them to fully develop and even make
appreciable impacts on their lives, but the fact remains that an
overwhelming majority don’t.
The word ‘developed’ is very
relative; some hinge this on menstruation, others on the appreciable
impacts on their lives, but the fact remains that an overwhelming
majority don’t.
The word ‘developed’ is very relative; some
hinge this on menstruation, others on the moment a girl begins to grow
breasts, but the one thing that I really wish would be put into
cognizance is the fact that outward endowment and inner development are
two extremely different things and therefore occur at a different pace.
For all intents and purposes, at age 13, I could have passed for a 16
year-old, still my mother would have shot any man who even dared to
suggest that I was ‘ripe’. ‘Ripe’ for what?
I know many ladies
who began to menstruate when they were 8 years old; would those claiming
that the ‘3rd menstruation should be in her husband’s house’ really
suggest that these CHILDREN have adult organs shoved into their tiny
bodies simply because they are ‘women now’? Would these people really
recommend that an eight year old be allowed to indulge in a sex act and
be put through child birth simply because she has started menstruating?
Would they permit anyone do that to their own daughters?
One
bitter truth – child-marriage has always been associated with low
socio-economic status. In reality, many of these girls are sold (not
married) off in order to alleviate poverty. This is even more painful in
light of the fact that once these girls develop VVF, these same
‘loving’ husbands are quick to disown them and move on to the next
child. All for what? The pleasure of marrying a virgin?
Also,
most divorced women fall between the 18-25 age group; this is because
rushing into marriage without fully understanding what it entails can
only lead to beating a hasty retreat out of it. Married at 11, divorced
(more like abandoned with VVF) by 19; is this the kind of life we want
for our children? If this is not true, then why is the rate of divorce
so high?
Now, Islamically, what are the prerequisites for marriage?
Mutual attraction (2:221. 30:21, 33:52. 2:235)
Similar faith (2:221, 60:10)
The mahr (dowry) must be paid (4:4. 4:24)
The two parties must fully understand what marriage entails (4:21. 2:232, 2:237, 24:33)
To be matured (not maturing), i.e. one must have passed the stage of puberty (4:6, 24:31, 24:58-59)
In the case of an unsuccessful marriage, one should be capable of
initiating divorce and understanding the proceedings [2:226-232, 2:241,
4:35, 4:128-130, 33:49, 65:1-6]
Now, on the (contentious) issue of age, let us refer to where Allah asks that orphans not be cheated;
‘and try orphans (as regards their intelligence) until they reach
shuddud (i.e. the age of marriage); if Then You find sound judgement In
them, release their property to them, but consume it not wastefully, and
hastily fearing that they should grow up, and whoever amongst guardians
is rich, He should take no wages, but if He is poor, let Him have for
himself what is just and reasonable (according to his work). and when
You release their property to them, take witness In their presence; and
Allâh is AllSufficient In taking account.’ (4:6)
Obviously,
this is an acknowledgement of the fact that a child could be ‘developed’
but still lack sound judgment, and that the two must be jointly
considered! Furthermore, quoting a brother on this same issue, ‘the
usage of this word “shudud” in the Quran suggests reasonable physical
strength, i.e. at least several years into adolescence [18:82, 28:14]
which also agrees with most Classical Arabic dictionaries which average
about from the age of 17 for the word “shudud”, which also happens to
coincide with when a significant number of orphans would meet the two
conditions for receiving their wealth.’
Some have also
suggested that counseling/mental and physical evaluation centres be set
up in order to determine who is actually developed enough for marriage
and who isn’t, and that the decision of whether or not to go ahead be
placed on the verdict of well-trained and qualified personnel – this
would go a long way in solving the dilemma of an exact age not being
specified and also stop these girls from being put in harm’s way. This
would also be in line with Quranic provisions which states that they be
tested until they reach ‘shudud’.
The argument that I
personally find most shallow is that of ‘13 year-olds can get pregnant
for their boyfriends, but they can’t get married?’ to which I say
upbringing goes a long way in determining what activities a child will
be engaged in at that age. That some lost their virginity at 13 does not
mean that all of us did, or that every child will. Why are we making
examples of those pregnant teens, and not of many sisters who married in
their mid-twenties and were chaste? Why not say ‘why should a thirteen
year-old have sex when twenty-three year-olds are virgins?’ The truth of
the matter is, a thirteen-year old shouldn’t be having sex in the first
place and marriage is therefore not a solution to that! ‘Legalizing’
sex for children is like saying ‘why criminalize corruption when
politicians are bound to steal? Why don’t we just increase their
allowances by 100,000%?’
Even more shocking was someone’s
endorsement of child-marriage cum -sex on the excuse that ‘fathers rape
their daughters because they get tempted by their outward appearance’.
In other words, incest can be excused in cases where the ‘developed’
child has not been shipped off to the husband’s house because after all,
a man is a man and could find even his own daughter irresistible
(aoodhubillah!). Somehow, the victim should be blamed for being
‘developed’ and we’re all supposed to sympathize with the harassed
father, not castrate him. Men who paint fellow men in such a bad light
and portray them all like irrational beasts with hormones raging out of
control really deserve to be condemned by all sane men!
The
biggest ‘justification’ for child-marriage still remains the (highly
disputed) age of Ayesha (RA) when she married Nabiyy (SAW). Those who
support this brandish the narrations that put her age at consummation at
9 like a sword while totally ignoring all others that put her age
between 18 and 20. They also fail to put into cognizance the basic
differences between that period, and the rate at which people developed
then and now.
When it comes to unclear issues, we are quick to
remind each other of hadiths that liken indulging in disputed things to
grazing at the boundary of two gardens, and the likelihood of ‘grazing
into’ the haram if we persist. Why is it that we extol each other unto
such pleasant reminders when it has to do with issues like music, but
not in this case? Is this not disputed too?
The aim of Shariah
is not to cause hardship or suffering, or diseases for that matter!
800,000 women living with VVF and thousands of others dying from
complications during childbirth is a serious situation that needs to be
urgently addressed. Islam elevates mankind, yet we hinge a practice that
puts our girls in early graves and leads to their abandonment after
becoming diseased on Islam. How many wealthy men who go about buying
child-brides give out their own daughters as children?
Those
who married that young and had it good should kindly think about those
who are dead and who didn’t have such luck before advocating for this.
Child-marriage, poverty and illiteracy among women are closely linked;
any wonder why we still have many poor widows and women who find it hard
to sustain themselves without a man in the picture? That many wealthy
people do not have a college degree does not make them stark
illiterates. Some child-brides furthered their education, thousands of
others did not! Would it not amount to selfishness to not consider this
large majority too?
On a father’s right to give his daughter out in marriage (and the daughter having no right to object), kindly consider;
Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger (may
peace be upon him) as having said: ”A woman without a husband (or
divorced or a widow) must not be married until she is consulted, and a
virgin must not be married until her permission is sought. They asked
the Prophet of Allah (may peace be upon him): How her (virgin’s) consent
can be solicited? He (the Holy Prophet) said: That she keeps silence.
(Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah),
Book 008, Number 3303)”
Allah Almighty said in the Noble Quran:
“O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their
will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away
part of the dower [money given by the husband to the wife for the
marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they have been
guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of
kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye
dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.
(The Noble Quran, 4:19)”
The following Saying is an explanation to Noble Verse 4:19:
Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: ”About the Qur’anic verse: ‘It is not
lawful for you forcibly to inherit the woman (of your deceased kinsmen),
nor (that) ye should put constraint upon them.‘ When a man died, his
relatives had more right to his wife then her own guardian. If any one
of them wanted to marry her, he did so; or they married her (to some
other person), and if they did not want to marry her, they did so. So
this verse was revealed about the matter. (Translation of Sunan
Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2084)” So
according to Noble Verse 4:19, a woman can not be forced into marriage
by any mean.
Narrated AbuHurayrah: ”The Prophet
(peace_be_upon_him) said: An orphan virgin girl should be consulted
about herself; if she says nothing that indicates her permission, but if
she refuses, the authority of the guardian cannot be exercised against
her will. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah),
Book 11, Number 2088)”
Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar: ”The Prophet
(peace_be_upon_him) said: Consult women about (the marriage of) their
daughters. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah),
Book 11, Number 2090)”
Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: ”A virgin
came to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) and mentioned that her father
had married her against her will, so the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him)
allowed her to exercise her choice. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud,
Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2091)”
Narrated
Abdullah ibn Abbas: ”The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: A guardian
has no concern with a woman previously married and has no husband, and
an orphan girl (i.e. virgin) must be consulted, her silence being her
acceptance. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah),
Book 11, Number 2095)”
Please note that some may remain quiet
out of fear of being chastised or offending their parents, especially
when they are still very young. This is why the idea of having
counseling units seems very good (at least, to me it does). The question
is, are we as one Ummah going to keep quiet about this, or will we rise
to the challenge and speak with one voice against a practice that has
so many unfavourable side-effects? Islam was established as a way of
life by defying the norm. If the Blessed Generation, the Early Muslims,
were concerned about not ruffling feathers, then polytheism would have
remained the status quo. Stay true to Allah, then stay true to your
conscience. Somewhere, a girl just bled to death because she had a child
when her body could not support one. It’s high time we put an end to
high maternal mortality, to VVF, to high divorce rates and reduced the
risk of cancer in our women. It’s high time the concerned amongst us
reached out to Muslim opinion leaders and clerics and made them realize
the danger of continuing this way. May Allah guide us all. Amin.
And Allah knows best.
PS: Contrary opinions are more than welcome, but please do it with
daleel (evidence) and not a tirade of personal attacks. Salaam.
Ramadan Mubarak
@Rinsola_Abiola
Written by NEWSTRAWL ONLINE UPDATE
Sodiq Oyeleke is a Media, Human Resources, Project Management and Public Relations Practitioner
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